Episode #39: Healing your relationship with food with Jordana Edelstein
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In this episode, Rhonda and Dayna have the pleasure of chatting with their friend and colleague, Jordana Edelstein.
Jordana Edelstein is a nutrition and body image coach and work is to help women finally build the self-trust to eat and exercise in a way that feels amazing, instead of white knuckling through the latest diet and working out to burn off last night’s pizza.
She lived more than 20 years of her life trapped by food, starting a new diet every other week and endlessly chasing a body that she thought was the key to happiness.
Jordana helps her clients break up with dieting, find their best weight and live at ease in their own skin. For life.
We’re so grateful to Jordana for sharing her story and passion with us. We touch on a lot of topics in this episode including:
🔹 How Jordana got into the world of nutrition coaching and starting her own business
🔹 What lead her to officially “break up” with dieting
🔹 Jordana’s advice on how to navigate eating without dieting
🔹 What is diet culture?
🔹 How to rebuild trust in our body again after years of not listening to our body’s cues
🔹 How Jordana helps her clients find their best weight
🔹 How to navigate body image issues when you stop dieting
🔹 How to work through thoughts about your body postpartum
🔹 How you can work with Jordana to heal your relationship with food
➡️ We would LOVE if you would share this episode with a friend who might appreciate Jordana’s advice!
Mentioned in this episode:
🔹 Follow Jordana on IG
🔹 Jordana’s Website
🔹 Jordana’s Podcast
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Episode #39: Healing your relationship with food with Jordana Edelstein
We're excited to have you join us for this episode of Pelvic Health and Fitness. I'm Dayna Morellato, Mom, Orthopedic and Pelvic Health Physiotherapist. And I'm Rhonda Chamberlain, Mom, Orthopedic Physiotherapist and Pre Postnatal Fitness Coach. On this show, we have open and honest conversations about all phases of motherhood, including fertility, pregnancy, birth, postpartum, menopause, and everything in between.
We also provide helpful education and information on fitness, the pelvic floor, and many aspects of women's health, including physical, mental, and emotional wellness. Please remember as you listen to this podcast that this is not meant to treat or diagnose any medical conditions. Please contact your medical provider if you have specific questions or concerns.
Thanks so much for joining us. Grab a cup of coffee. Or wine. And enjoy!
Welcome to another episode of the pelvic health and fitness podcast. Today, we are honored to welcome nutrition and body image coach Jordana Edelstein to the podcast. Jordana's work as a coach is to help women finally build the self trust to eat and exercise in a way that feels amazing.
Instead of white knuckling through the latest diet and working out to burn off last night's pizza. Jordana lived more than 20 years of her life, trapped by food, starting a new diet every other week and endlessly chasing a body that she thought was the key to happiness. Jordana helps her clients break up with dieting.
Find. I'm going to find their best weight and live at ease in their own skin for life. Thank you so much for joining us, Jordana. Thanks for having me. It's so funny to hear someone read back, like, the stuff you've written about yourself. I'm like, oh, I wrote that. It's so good, and I'm sure so many people listening are like, yep, yep, relatable, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you just tell us a little bit more about yourself, Jordana, and what got you into the world of nutrition? Sure. So, um, I am 42, and from the time I was in my teens, really kind of kicked in around like 16 ish, closer to like 17, I have just been in a very difficult relationship with my body.
and with food. Um, I am, I am tall. I have a larger frame. I always have. I've never been, I mean, when I was like a kid, I didn't struggle with my weight and body stuff when I was like a younger kid and a lot of people do. Um, but from the time I was about 15 on, I was already in like a size 10, 12. That was just like how my body was built.
And. I had a lot of self consciousness around it was bigger than all of my friends taller than all of my friends. Um, and then so that was kind of the thing that was happening and just that I was really acutely aware of. And then I went to college and kind of around this whole time I was. I had a really tough time with, with acne and was starting to gain weight.
Long story short, um, I was diagnosed with PCOS, uh, polycystic ovary syndrome. And um, this was kind of during like my freshman year of college, which is already a really difficult time. And the doctors at this time, this was the late nineties, um, and some of them still do are like, Oh, you need to do a low carb diet.
And when you're in college and someone tells you to do a low carb diet, it's like. What, how, how, like, what, like, how am I supposed to live? How am I supposed to have a social life? And so that was really when things got really intense and really challenging for me and started like a really, um, disordered relationship with eating.
Um, destructive really is probably, um, even like a better word. And it was just years and years of that. Um, struggling in my body, diet to diet, gaining weight, losing weight, never being happy, always like chasing after, um, Like a thing, like a size, a picture, a thing that's like, when I look like that, when I fit into those pants, when my stomach doesn't roll over my jeans, when I don't have to like, You know, be self conscious of someone seeing me from the side and seeing like my belly fat roll over my pants, then I'll be happy.
And like, it literally just never happened. Like, even when I would diet and lose weight, like that just isn't like how my body is built. And so I could spend an hour talking about this, so I will get to the point. Um, I, um, work had a, had a kind of a, 10 years. Which I was very good at, but never really loved and, um, 10 years ago, actually in December, 10 years ago, I left that job.
I have a 10 year old son when he was a baby. I left that job and I became a yoga teacher and I loved that. And I taught a style of yoga that was very, um, kind of very therapeutic, very much about like connecting to your body and movement and, and, um, Understanding what it feels like to like be like to be in your body and I did that for a long time and loved it and taught strength and mobility and all these things and then kind of started to transition as I did my own work around food into coaching, right?
So I saw therapists and nutritionists and all different people over the years to try and like. Fix my problem, and it wasn't until I worked with, I worked with two different coaches, um, that I went through that process that I really was able to address everything, and then that, it was sort of like, um, a woman I've worked with talks about this idea of your mess becomes your message, and so that's kind of like what it came down to, is that like, I did this work, and I was so, I'm gonna say like inspired, that's like not really a great word, but like inspired by it, and I was so kind of blown away around like what was possible that I never thought was possible all these years, um, that I sort of transitioned into coaching and I carry a lot of the movement stuff with me because so much of our challenge around food is being so disconnected from like, when are we hungry?
When are we full? What foods do I like? What foods do I don't like? I only know how to follow a diet. Um, so that's kind of been like my, yeah. path into like what I'm doing today. Awesome. And what was the tipping point for you to finally stop the endless cycle of dieting or were there multiple tipping points?
Yeah. So for me, it wasn't like a singular thing. I think it was. Like a slow build up of, you know, like the definition of insanity is keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different results. And I mean, I did so many extreme things. I was never, I never was diagnosed with a clinical eating disorder.
Um, and But I had very disordered eating. I mean, it was pretty extreme from the different types of diets I would do from one to the next, um, to dictating and controlling where we went to eat, when we went to eat, what kind of food was allowed in the house, um, and I have a son who's now 10, so a lot of this was going on for a good part of his life up until about like four ish years ago, um, and it just, it was just like this constant, 10, Like distress like of looking in the mirror and I have, I have a thing, um, an album in my phone of all of my before and after pictures and it scrolls and it scrolls and it scrolls.
There's hundreds of them from every diet I've ever done. Um, and I've used it a lot on like social media to like represent like. This constant cycle and really what's so kind of crazy for me I'm not someone who has ever gained or lost like huge amounts of weight for me. It's been in like a 15 to 20 25 pound swing I'm taller.
So for me my body carries that amount of weight Differently, like the, the gain and loss of, of 15 or 20 pounds on my frame is different than someone who is shorter. Like, that's just like science and how body fat gets distributed. So I look at those pictures and there aren't like these drastic differences, but I remember at the time you'd be like, Oh my God, I lost 10 pounds and these jeans fit.
And then it would be the terror of keeping it off. How am I going to maintain this? How am I not going to gain it back and it just became so exhausting over a period of time of that building up and building up and building up. And when I first started working with a coach, it was still around kind of a, um, a weight with a goal around weight loss.
And I am not anti weight loss. So and we'll, I'm sure we'll get into that. But through that process, I kind of uncovered all of these things around how I was thinking about food. So it was a little bit like almost. I'll say like inadvertent, um, because it's like you don't know what you don't know. I didn't really know that there was an option to stop dieting.
It was part of my identity. Like I had like a journal entry written where I talk about like I've never not, I don't know what it's like to either not be on a diet or not planning a diet. Like, literally, since I was a kid, like, in my teens, I don't know what that's like. So, it was sort of, I had to even comprehend that that was, like, a possibility.
Which sounds crazy, but when you're living that, it's just like, this is, this is just life. Like, those, those rules and that structure was like, how I, you know, made my way through the world. Um, so yeah, for me, it wasn't, there wasn't like a rock bottom kind of thing. A lot of people do have that, but it wasn't like that for me.
Yeah, I'm sure so many people can relate to that Jordana. I know I can. Um, you and I have sort of chatted on Instagram just about my history as well with also, I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, but definitely disordered eating. And yeah, you know, similar to you. I feel like that's what is so tricky about this is that I would always go on these diets in the name of health, right?
I was always into nutrition, always into sports and athletics. And so from a kid, I was taught all these food rules as a way to be healthy, quote unquote, right. And so, yeah, you can see how we get into these spirals where. We don't know any other way to live or eat, right? Yeah. So what do you say to women?
So I feel like this, you know, I, I hit a bit of a rock bottom where I tried a certain diet. It went horribly wrong. I almost ended up in the hospital. That was like my rock bottom and I was like, what am I doing? Yeah. And, uh, so I had that moment, but for, so from that point on, I'm like, I'm never going on a diet.
Like it's going to happen for people like you that maybe don't have that. And they just can't picture a life without dieting because it's like, what, what do I eat then? Like, how do I, what do I follow? I do. I know. It's literally say to clients like that are in that sort of like, I think I want to be done with this, but I don't know what to do.
Yeah. I mean, it's like, it can be like terrifying and that's why a lot of people, and I completely understand this, like can't ever make that leap because it feels so scary. It's sort of like the devil, you know? Dieting has so many negative, um, outcomes and impacts, yet it's still familiar. And what's familiar is sometimes comfortable, even if it's doing us harm.
And that's, that's a lot, understanding that is a really big part of actually where, like, change comes from. Um, but, kind of like, my approach to coaching, what I help people with so that they don't feel like, Oh my God, I literally don't know, like, what the F to eat, is teaching them skills. Right? Like, skills around What is our food made up of?
Like, what is a protein? What is a carb? What is a fat? And what do I need to eat to feel full? Um, in what kind of, um, you know, ratios and proportions and how often am I eating? And relearning, like, well, how much do I need to eat to feel full? And what does that actually feel like? Um, so a lot of skills around, it's kind of like, I think of it sort of like the what, The why and the how.
What am I eating? Why am I eating and how am I eating and building skills around that. And it's a process. So this is where so intuitive eating is, um, kind of a paradigm and, and a framework that's become very, very popular. And there are absolutely a lot of people for whom it works. There's also a lot of people for whom it does not work because is is it, it is a 180 from being on a diet and that's a huge.
Huge change for your nervous system to adapt to, like, just like that. Um, people, I find the people that I work with, and this was myself, like, need structure, right? You can't just let go of all that. So it's not like people come into me and they're like, okay, like, I'm done and let's just start learning these skills.
Yes, we start learning the skills, but some of those existing behaviors stay in place. They kind of have to stay in place for a period of time so that you feel, like, safe, so that you have the mental capacity to learn these skills. Without being so terrified of like, Oh my God, I don't know what I'm doing.
So it's like, it's a process and it takes time. Um, but really it comes down to skills. And I've been talking about this a little bit on social media the last couple days, is that we think that we're not capable of these things. Like one of the biggest things is like, I, and I think this might have been actually Rhonda, when we, when you had posted this around, I can't keep that food in my house.
I will eat all of it. I can't, whatever it is, cake, cookies, candy, ice cream, pasta, pizza. I can't have that around. I will eat it all. I have to throw it out. And people really believe, and I believe this too, like, I can't do, I will never be able to do that. We believe that as we believe that like the sky is blue.
And the reason we think that is because we've just never been taught the skills for how to do it. Yeah. It's really that simple. When you have the skills, you can do it. We, but it's also that we don't know that those skills exist because all we've ever been taught to your point is how to follow rules and how to diet.
And we just think that we just think that that's what eating is. Like it's so like, God, when you really think about it, whenever I talk about this, I'm like, Oh my God, this is so, this is such a big thing. Um, yeah. So that's, that's sort of how I approach it. Like it's, we are looking at skills. We're not drastically changing.
We are doing one small change at a time, moving you from where you are to kind of where you want to go. Um, yeah. Yeah. I think it's so important that you mentioned just like the nervous system as well too, and just You know, we talk about tissue all the time as physios and how like you have to train your nervous system from a physical mental health aspect around some of these things, right?
Totally. It's like there, there's a concept. Um, I mean, certainly in, in, in PT and in movement and really with pain science called graded exposure, right? Where you slowly, and this is progressive overload with strength training. This is to treat people who have OCD and anxiety. We slowly, this is, this is immunotherapy for, for food, for nut allergies, it shows up everywhere.
This is how the human body works. The same thing is true around how you move away from restrictive rigid dieting to a place where you have like a balance of structure and freedom. You slowly, slowly, slowly expose yourself to these things and these new skills and adapt and learn and build, get comfortable.
And then you add a little bit more. And a little bit more and a little bit more. Um, that is what worked for me. That's what I find works for the people that I work with. And that's what kind of aligns with like how the human body functions. Um, so, you know, just from like a, kind of like an, like an evidence based perspective, um, That's how I like to approach things.
Yeah, for lasting change, right? Well, exactly. I'm not, like, I always say, like, I'm not here to help you for, like, the next 30 days. I'm here to help you, like, for the next 30 years. Like, I'm looking for long term changes. You know, you don't need me if you want a quick fix or a 30 day or a 60 day thing. Like, yeah.
Cool. And I think that's what's so tough too, right? Cause that is all that's been ever sold to us, right? It's quick fixes and these challenges. And I talk about this a lot with fitness that like the boring stuff doesn't sell because it's not sexy, right? It's not like here and join my program. You're going to be here for two to three years and you're slowly going to get stronger and you're not going to really notice changes in your body sometimes, but stick around.
We're so conditioned that we don't even realize it to like the instant gratification and to the marketing and the imagery we see. We've just accepted that as that's what's normal. That's the baseline. Except it never was. It was just a way. You know, for people to make money and it's really hard for us to reset those expectations really hard.
And there's always urgency. There's always like a wedding or a summer or a vacation or a reunion or a bar mitzvah or whatever it is. And I've been there. I've done that. Like you can get the weight off. I'm not going to sit here. You can, but it's not going to stay off. Um, and so it becomes like the time is going to pass anyway.
Why not, you know, spend that time doing something that's going to like last. Yeah. I guess it's really worked out. You're passionate. We love it. Yeah. For our listeners that might not know what exactly is diet culture. So the way I define diet culture, which I think is, is kind of pretty standard is.
sacrificing, making any sacrifice around your mental and emotional well being in order to lose weight. So weight loss is the number one goal at any cost. Um, that is really how I define diet culture. Yeah. And I feel like I talk about this sometimes too. It's like, what is also your definition of healthy, right?
Cause we Very much tie body size to health. Yep. You know, I, you know, myself have admitted I have to break free of that bias, right? But if we define, you know, if our goal is to be healthy, is it healthy if we are sacrificing everything in our life to be a certain size, right? Like that? My definition of healthy doesn't include, you know, losing my mental health over being, becoming a certain body size, right?
Yeah. A hundred percent health is multi dimensional, right? That your physical body is one part of that. There's emotional, mental, spiritual. Relational, there's like different frameworks that have different names, um, for these things around like, you know, deep health or, um, there's another one that I've, I've learned from another coaching program, but yes, like we, we are very reductionist in how we view health.
We look at someone's body and if they are in a bigger body, we label them as unhealthy. And if they are in a smaller body, we label them as healthy. Yeah. And it is just, it's so, it's so damaging and it's so not. Accurate and and and realistic and true. It's just it's really, really problematic. Um, there are plenty of people in small bodies who are unhealthy and plenty of people in bigger bodies who are healthy and vice versa.
There's people in bigger bodies who are unhealthy and there are people in small bodies are healthy. It goes both ways for everything. Um, but we are much more complex than the size of our body being the thing that we use to define Like health, right? Yeah. You, um, brought this up earlier, Jordana, just about, you know, when we go on all these diets, we start to just lose trust in our body and we don't really know what to listen for anymore.
So why, why do you think so many women lose trust in their body? And then how do you go about coaching them to regain that trust again? So I think it goes back to what we were talking about earlier is that from a very young age, we are told and taught, these are things that are learned. What foods are good, what foods are bad, um, how much we're allowed to eat of something, that we have to earn dessert by having, oh, you have to have two more bites of your dinner if you want dessert.
I mean, like, there's, that's, it's stuff, that stuff builds up and it accumulates from a very young age, and obviously parents are doing their best, um, and the idea is that hopefully we create more awareness and education to start to like change some of these, you know, more generational things, but it happens at a young age, and not just obviously at home, it happens, like, In the media, it happens, especially now, I mean, I have a 10 year old son, so we're like, he does not have a phone, but obviously he's exposed to the internet and everything that's out there, and as kids are getting older, there's just so much that's influencing them, that they're seeing now on social media, that like, we The three of us being around the same age, I'm 42, like grew up with it in magazines and like Cosmo and YM and Sassy.
Um, and that was difficult, but not to the extent that it is now. So it comes from all these outside factors. We lose trust because we are told and taught to rely on something or someone else to tell us like what to eat. And we just accept that. Because it's just, we don't know any other way. Um, and then as we get to be adults, and then it gets to be even more complicated around how we feel in our bodies, we're constantly like looking to outsource, looking for someone else to tell us.
That's why we're always jumping from like diet to diet. Like the classic thing is like, I'm going to do Weight Watchers again because it worked. I'm going to do a Whole30 again because it worked last time. And the question is like, well, if it worked, you wouldn't have to go back to it. Like, when else in life, like, would something have worked and then you have to go back to it again?
If it worked, it should work forever, right? Um, so, and I think this, this is so much, I spent a lot of time thinking about this over the last couple of months. A lot of this is we don't know what we don't know. So I talk a lot about rebuilding self trust, but I think a lot of people don't realize that they don't trust themselves.
Yeah. Because we, we follow a diet and we do the thing. And sometimes we don't see that as problematic. We just see that as like existence. Again, like the sky is blue. I do a diet. Like that's how I eat. That's the way everyone eats, right? Like, and so part of it is just, and that's why I'm always so happy to like have a platform to and space to talk about this is to create awareness, to let you know that like, if you are constantly obsessing and thinking about food and you are afraid to have certain foods in your house.
And you look at the number on the scale and it dictates your mood for the day, like that stuff is not, I'm going to say it's not normal and I don't mean that in like a mean or cool way, I mean it in a just creating awareness way, like you can have something better than that. Um, like that's not just what you have to accept for the rest of your life.
And so, right, first of it is the first part is realizing that you don't trust yourself. Cause we can't change the things that we're not aware of. And then it goes back to like, to the skills. And that's how we rebuild that trust. So then in any situation, you know how to make a choice. Like for me, it's about making an intentional choice.
Like I can keep candy. I have, I bought a bag of, um, those unreal peanut butter cups. Like the. More air quotes, healthy version of Reese's peanut butter cups. Um, and I love Reese's too. I just happened to see these and grab them. I got them probably a week and a half ago in the grocery store and I forgot that they're there.
They're just sitting there. The bag is still sealed. That happens all the time now. And every time it happens. It blows my mind. I'd never take it for granted because there were years of my life where I would have eaten that whole bag in one sitting in the night it came home because I couldn't have it there otherwise.
And so, right, like, this comes from skills from practice. It's like, it's like learning to play an instrument, right? You have to sit in your room and you have to practice and you get better and better and better. This is the same thing. We're born with these innate things, but then they're stripped away from us super early on, and so we have to relearn them.
And it's just like learning any skill. It takes practice and it takes time and repetition. Um, and it is a thousand million percent possible. It's just, to your point, it does. It takes years. Like, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that in three months or six months you'll be like, I'm good to go. You can make a lot of progress, but it takes time and it's never a straight line.
And it's like loops and loops and loops. Um, so yeah, it's a, but if you think about like your whole life, right? So I work with women, um, as young as I have, um, um, a client right now who's in college and I have a woman in my group coaching right now who's in her seventies. Wow. And you think about the, the amount of time, whether it's a year or in some cases, 20, 30, 40, 50 years of living with this.
It takes a, that's a long time to be living and operating a certain way. It takes time to unlearn that and learn a new way. And again, it's like that adaptation of the nervous system. I know it's not what people want to hear. We want to go back to the instant gratification thing, but like, this is, this is just the reality of it.
Um, and it doesn't mean it's not worth it. It is the most worthwhile thing ever. Truly ever. Um, because it then impacts every other part of your life. It's not just about food. It's about the way you're showing up for your partner, your family, if you have a job, for your friendships, because when you don't feel good around food, and you've stepped on the scale, and it's put you in a bad mood for the day, That's impacting everything else that you do.
Um, so yeah, that was, that was a lot of talking. That was way more than the question you asked, but that's what happens. It was great. Um, you mentioned in your bio that you help women find their best weight. What is your definition of someone's best weight and how do you help women find confidence in that weight?
So the way I define best weight, um, Is it kind of actually goes back a little bit to like the diet culture definition is what's the weight at which you can make thoughtful, mindful, intentional choices around food and not be making any sacrifices to your mental and emotional health. And the thing about your best weight is for very few people does that line up with your goal weight.
Because our goal weight almost always gets into that territory of having to sacrifice too much. Because it's based on some external thing, right? We have a belief that if we weigh a certain amount, look a certain way, fit into a certain size, Pants that we will be happy, and it's just false. Like you can see this.
There's actually a framework around this called the arrival fallacy, like in the way we think about things, and it applies to like jobs and houses and cars and jewelry, like Or even like think about like online shopping, your online shopping, I know I'm going a little on a tangent. I'm going to come back.
Um, and you see like a really cool, like sweater and you're like, Oh my God, I love that sweater. When I get that sweater, that's going to like complete my wardrobe. That's the one thing I'm missing when I get that. I won't have to shop anymore. I'll be happy. Like everyone does this and then the sweater comes and you're super excited and like it's fresh and shiny and new for like a few weeks and then it wears off and then you see something else and you're like, no, that's the thing.
This is really the thing. It is the same exact thing with your body. It's the same thing. When is it at you? Five pounds, 10 pounds, 15 pounds. There's always something else and so that's why the goal weight, it becomes, then we're losing sight of what really matters to us. So the best way, again, goes back to being able to make these choices around food without any mental and emotional sacrifices, but also doing that in a way that ties into your values.
What do you value as a person? What makes you, you, when we diet and do these crazy things. Very quickly, we're abandoning what matters to us in the pursuit of looking a certain way, immediately. Um, I mean, you can't tell me, like, I did, um, Isagenix many times, and for those who aren't familiar with Isagenix, it's like a, a shake kind of thing where you drink two shakes a day, eat a meal with the most insane rules ever.
They told you you can only eat green apples. That was the only fruit allowed. Carrots, only like the one ounce serving of feta cheese. That was the only like crazy. And then four days out of the 30 day cleanse, you don't eat anything for four days. Okay. So, um, wait, I just totally lost my train of thought on this.
Oh, what I was going to say is that when we do things like that and you are, I'm not gonna say starving yourself, but really depriving yourself of nutrition and you are walking around like, is it okay if I curse? Yeah. Okay. Like a raging bitch hungry. You can't tell me that that's you showing up as like your best self in alignment with what matters to you.
Like there's just no way. So really identifying and getting clear on what your values are, that's like a really big part of the work that I do with people because it has to, we have to shift from like these externally driven things around numbers and sizes and looks to like what actually matters to us as a person.
Um, and so the best way to kind of. It's all wrapped up in that. And yes, there is obviously a physiological health component. Right? For some people, um, fat loss is needed based on what's going on with their health. For some people it is, for some people it isn't. We cannot make a judgment on that based on what they look like.
It's much more complicated. Obviously, that's not even for me to say. That's really for someone's physician to say. That also doesn't mean they need to get to a goal weight. Um, but yeah, so best weight is kind of like a multifactorial thing, but it's really prioritizing your mental and emotional health at like the top of, of the focus.
Yeah. I love that. Yeah. So this kind of takes us to the next question we had Jordana. And I think, you know, it's really amazing to see on Instagram, on social media that the pendulum is. Swinging, I think away, you know, there still exists all these crazy diets and everything. I don't think we'll ever get away from that, unfortunately, in our lifetime.
But, you know, this body positivity, um, side of things is coming into play. But I think, you know, when changes happen, there's always a huge pendulum swing, like the opposite direction, right? Where. Yeah. It's all about like, love your body, like, you know, love your, your roles and which is all well and good, but sometimes it's like invalidating, right?
Because it's like, but I don't love my body. So like, now what do I do right now? Now I feel shame for not loving my body. And you're telling me just to love my body, but what do I do? Yeah. So what, how do you talk to your clients about body image? And do you talk to them about like loving their body or being neutral about their body?
What do you talk about with them? Yeah. So I think it's kind of back to the same idea. If you can't go from like dieting to like being an intuitive eater, you can't go from hating your body to loving your body. You may. Never love the way your body looks. So there's kind of different also, I think, like facets to the relationship with our body.
There's obviously what we look like physically. There's how we feel physically. There's how we move through the world. There's like the functionality and the capability of our bodies. And there's, these are all kind of like different, um, like facets, I guess, is, is a good word to our relationship. And I don't, look at myself.
So I carry a lot of weight in my stomach. I always have that's how my body's built as part of, um, PCOS. It's very standard, um, to carry weight in your, in your abdomen. And I don't look at myself in the mirror and like love the way that I look naked, but I will put on certain clothes and be like, Oh, I really like this.
I feel really good about how I look. And so there's different like skills, same thing as the eating. There are skills that we can use around how to. Move from this place of really feeling so uncomfortable in your skin and I'm going to say hating the way that you look to feeling, um, a little bit more like settled and a little bit more at ease.
And that's not, doesn't mean you're jumping up and down, but we are so, so body image by definition is our perception of our body, the meaning that we assign to how we look, which then by definition of that means it's subjective. It's an opinion, right? It's not a fact. Like the sky is blue is a fact. I have a head is a fact.
I am fat. Not a fact, right? My stomach is disgusting. Not a fact. That's an opinion. And so part of the work we do, and this is a skill that we practice is learning how to take an opinion we have around our body and turn it into a fact. So for instance, like I'm just going to use my stomach because it's an example instead of looking at myself and or, or starting off looking at myself and saying, Oh my God, my stomach is so disgusting.
Like I look gross in these pants saying I have some more fat on my belly right now. And these pants are not the right size for me. Right. A more objective factual statement that starts to strip out the emotion. And it's not like we do that once and it's like, Oh yeah, it's all wonderful. This is an ongoing skill.
Um, so that's, you know, that's kind of one piece of it. I already mentioned the clothing thing. Wearing clothes that you like, that fit, and that are comfortable. All three. They all matter equally is a game changer. I have conversations with clients all the time who are wearing clothes to either kind of hide or cover their bodies.
So they might fit and they're comfortable, but they don't really like them. Or are wearing clothes that are a little bit too small because that's what's there. And then it's a constant reminder. that you're not in a body that maybe you were in at a time when you bought those clothes, right? So clothes are not fitting, or just like we wear things that aren't comfortable.
They push, or they rub, or they scratch, or they itch. And again, it like just makes you feel uncomfortable. So clothing is so powerful. It really, really is. Um, yes, it's different than like looking at yourself. naked. Um, but again, like these are, these are kind of different relationships, relationships at different times.
Um, so, and then the kind of the, another big thing, which I sort of mentioned is what is, what is like the functionality of your body? What does it do for you? And like getting into like, Movement and training and strength training and what is your body physically capable of like sometimes I'll talk about like a state change, like getting out of your head and into your body, right when we get so wrapped up in those thoughts and they are spiraling, spiraling, spiraling, one of my favorite things to do was like I put on loud music and I like will dance like even in my car I'll do it and I'll just like be like doing the thing and it feels so good to just get from here.
Down to here and just be reminded of what your body is capable of. And there's a huge spectrum of that, right? Um, I, I strength train and I go to the gym and I take a tap dance class and I love to dance. I also walk. That's like my main form of movement. I mean, it could be anything. It could be going for a walk.
It could be going outside and like, feeling like the air on your body. And, and like, um, smelling like a flower or essential oil. Something that brings you back into the physical senses of your body is just a really powerful kind of in the moment tool. Um, and then also just noticing and really finding something in your life.
A movement based thing where you can just start to appreciate more what your body does for you. Cause we just take it for granted. We just think of our body as something that needs to look a certain way. Yeah. And it's like, Oh my God, I mean we don't think about anything else. I mean the human body is for me like the most fascinating thing ever.
Um, and it's so complex and amazing and wonderful that we just. Take it for granted, and it's really, it's like, it's so sad. What we, what we do to our bodies when we put them through, and yet how resilient they are. And they're like, you're not going to shut me down! Like, I will keep going! Um, so yeah, I mean, body image is a very complex, complicated thing, and it is inextricably linked to food.
Because we go on a diet because we don't like how we look right and the thing about that is the reason that's a mismatch is because body image is about like I mentioned how we think about the meaning we assign to our bodies and a diet is changing what you eat and like how you think about your body and what you eat like there's just there's just like a mismatch it's like you know sometimes I use the analogy of like drinking water when you're tired like That's never gonna work.
You can do it. It might wake you up for a little bit, just like going on a diet might make you think that you're feeling better in your body, but it's not a long term solution. There's like a mismatch there. Um, so yeah, that's, um, that's kind of sort of my approach to working with body image. Do you find this with clients?
I mean, I work a lot as is Rhonda with the postpartum population. And so especially in that first, like few weeks to maybe even up to a year and their body image and their whole identity is flipped on their heads. We've probably all been there. Yeah. Always find it a little bit of a Challenging conversation, you know, we bellies always come up.
Is my belly always going to look like this? I actually had someone ask me today if their breasts would always look, always look like that. And it's sort of, it's always a little bit of a, you know, I'm trying to be realistic about like tissue healing, but then trying to get them to be like, you know, your body did this amazing thing without dismissing how they're feeling.
And it's such a tough line to walk on. Yeah, it's, it's always like a both. And, um, you know, helping people feel seen and heard and validating that fear of, is my body always going to look like this? Is it ever going to go back? Am I ever, that's, that's a fear. And like, that's coming up in, in your nervous system.
And obviously the reality you know, is that we don't know, right? You don't, you never know what the outcome is going to be. Honestly, if anything, like that's kind of like a big, like existential conversation, but around strength training around weight loss, like that's why finding a way and taking action.
Again, that comes back to your values. That feels good. That's enjoyable. That's what we need to do because that's the only thing we can control. We can't control the outcome. So, and then at least you feel like you are. in control of something, right? It might not be able to be in control of like, what's going to happen to my belly after I have a baby, what's going to happen to my boobs, but I can control how I move my body.
I can control how I think about food and the types of foods I want to be eating and what feels good. Um, it's, it's tough. Like it's, um, a lot of it is holding space for people so that they know they're not alone, that what they're feeling is normal. Um, that it's okay to feel scared and unsure and postpartum is like you're in a new and different body you've never been in before.
Like, and your body is, is truly changed forever. Um, and it, it's, it's, it's, you know, I mean you guys, this is what you specialize in. So, um, it's a, it's a traumatic experience in some ways in terms of what you go through physically. And then you have to like relearn how to exist in that body. Yeah. And that's, and this is what happens also when people like, gain weight.
They're in a body that they may not be comfortable in, that they don't know, that's unfamiliar. And it's like, well, how do I exist in this body? And then we're told same thing as with new moms, like you should look like this. You need to, you know, get back, you need to lose weight and all of these things.
And it's just, um, it's just, it's helping people. Another skill we haven't. It hasn't come up, but kind of fits in here is like, just like self compassion and self compassion is not just like loving yourself. It's not like, this is like touchy feely is that it's a, you know, it's like a clinically research tool around how to hold space for yourself on one piece of it.
That's what's called like tender self compassion, but then also take action. Yeah. Which is fierce self compassion. So it's both. Um, it's allowing, like, this sucks, I'm in a body that's unfamiliar, I don't like how it feels, and saying it's okay to feel this way, just like you would say to like a friend or a daughter, but then also saying, okay, I have to accept that because I can't change these things, but here's what I can work on to feel better.
Um, and like finding the co like, the overlap of those two things, like, so everything is We're very like either or black and white and either on a diet or off a diet and either carbs. I'm either, you know, whatever it is, but it's like the both and is really where like the change starts to happen when we learn how to allow all this stuff to coexist.
Yeah, it's finding like the messy middle, right? I always talk about that with fitness, right? It's like, yeah, people either are on these extreme fitness plans or I'm sitting on the couch doing nothing. But the magic happens in the messy middle, but that. It's so hard because there's no rules in the messy middle, right?
It's like, find what works for you. But people are like, I don't understand. Yeah, that's exactly it. It's easier for people to live in the black and white and I get that. But what's in that ease is also a lot of discomfort. Yeah. So, and it's when that the discomfort of living in that seeming ease starts to feel more kind of painful than actually making a change that stuff starts to happen.
Yeah, I think this stuff is so important for the population that we talk to you on this podcast to join in because again, my sort of rock bottom moment came postpartum with my second daughter, where again, I thought, you know, I'm going to be healthy. I'm going to get back on track and I'm going to do this diet and lose the baby weight which again is like force fed down our throats.
Yeah, day one. And again, I'm like thankful I had that rock bottom moment but I just so wish for. Yeah. So many listeners that they don't, they don't have to go through that, right? Like I wish they would just hear this information that you're providing and get to that healthy relationship with food before they have kids.
Because yeah, you tack on like lack of sleep, you know, a colicky newborn, all of these things. And then you're trying to like go on a diet, like no wonder. Women fail and are so frustrated because it's impossible to balance all of that. Yeah, it is. Like it's, it's so wonderful that you're creating like the space for these conversations to create the awareness because I think this space, like obviously women who have clinical eating disorders, need support and there is a lot of support out there for them and Needed much needed.
There's not a lot of support out there for people Like us that we've shared for in like that in between place And I think the perception is if you don't have a clinical eating disorder, then you're fine. Whatever you're doing is fine Again, all or nothing. Like, and it is just not that simple. And then, and people believe that themselves.
Like, oh, like, you know, I don't have anorexia. I don't have bulimia. I'm fine. I'm good. This is normal. It's what everyone does. They don't know, people don't know what they don't know. I didn't, like, I used to just, I'd be like, is this, does everyone think this? Like, does everyone get this stressed out when they go out to eat?
Does everyone, like, really want to get a burger, but forces himself to get a salad instead? Like, I felt, I'm like, I'm like, I gotta be the only one. People listening, you are not the only one. No. Far from it. Um, it's just creating awareness around this is like the single most important like thing that there is, for me at least.
And I know for you guys too, so. Okay. Is there anything else you'd love to leave our listeners with? Um, it's so funny when you'd ask me about this I made, I wrote down a couple things that I did want to share and really it's around And we already kind of talked about this, taking away the urgency and giving yourself the time and the space to do this.
And knowing that a day, a week, a month, six months are going to pass by and you're going to be like, is this working? Nothing's happening. I'm not, I haven't lost weight. I'm wearing the same clothes. I'm still stressed out by the candy in the cabinet. That is normal. It takes a long time for this stuff to build up and to change.
That's not to say that you can't, can't or won't feel any differences in a, in a month or six months. Um, but to just keep going. You cannot fail. If you keep going, and that's not to say that failure is bad because we learn a lot from failure, but if you stop, then it's like, then the change won't happen.
And so I know how hard it is. And I still, and it kind of the corollary to this is that this work never ends. There's no like, Oh, I checked all the boxes. I figured it out. I don't have to think about it anymore. Like you, like you, like, you know, took algebra in high school and like took the test and took the final exam and it's done.
There's no final exam. I still have to do this work every day. It gets easier over time. It's a skill. The more you practice the skills, the better you get, the less effort it takes to do this skill. This is just like any other skill, but I still, you still have to do it. I still have to show up. I still have to think I still have to pay attention.
It will take a lot of effort at first. It will take less effort as you go. And just to keep going because to have the autonomy to make your own choices and to do it in a way that, like, makes you really feel like you, not like a lesser smaller version of yourself, is just like the greatest gift. I know that sounds cheesy, but it is like a, a, a, a freedom.
That will literally, like, change your life. So good. I can attest to that, too. I should do an episode, Dana, about sort of breaking up and ditching diet culture, because that's, yeah, it's so freeing. Like, you and I talked on Instagram, Jordana, where, yeah, like, I feel like for the longest time, food controlled me, for sure.
And I didn't, until you're out of it, you don't really see how much it did control you, right? Right. And now that I'm out of it, yeah, it's like, it's so freeing, and I just want that for everybody. Yeah, that's exactly right. It's like, again, like it's like the, you don't know what you don't know. And that's why us having these conversations helps, you know, because then you relate and you're like, Oh, that's me.
I see myself. I hear they're talking about someone like me. I've done those things. And then you realize like, Oh, I'm not alone. There is another way. Um, and it's just so important. It just comes down to autonomy to make choices, like to be able to decide what you want to do and why you want to do it. Right?
Like I mentioned this before, like I am, I, some of my clients have weight loss goals and some of them don't. It's all about your why, right? If someone comes to me and is like, I want to lose weight because I'm going to be happier when I lose 10 pounds, we really dig into that before we even start to address.
Weight loss. I have a client right now, and I know we need to wrap up, but just like a quick anecdotal thing, I have a client right now, we've been working together for six months, and she wanted to walk away from dieting. She'd been tormented by this for her whole life. At the same time, she had also recently gained some belly fat.
She has a history of type 2 diabetes in her family. We spent six months working on her relationship with food and a couple weeks ago She got to the point where she was like I look at myself in the mirror now in clothes And I feel good about what I see and I'm like well that's a pretty good place to then look at weight loss from because in the Her happiness is not contingent on that.
So there's it's it's it's that's six six months No one wants to hear, we have to spend six months before you're going to talk to me about losing weight. Yup. Maybe longer, maybe less. It all depends. But just to say that, like knowing your why, knowing your values and learning these skills is the best thing that you can do for yourself.
So before we wrap up, how can people work with you, Jordana, and where can we find you? Yup. So I work virtually, my whole business is online. Um, and I have. My website and Instagram my website has all my information about me and my coaching and that is my first and last name Jordana Edelstein Calm that is also my Instagram handle.
I spend a lot of time on social media. So If you have questions Curious need support needs events. You can DM me. Um, I am available. I do one on one coaching and I have a group coaching program and I have a podcast as well. And Rhonda is going to be on that very soon and lots of resources, um, to feel supported and feel seen.
Thank you so much. Thank you guys. This is so fun. I love talking about this stuff. Awesome. Thanks for listening to today's podcast. We hope you enjoyed the conversation. If you liked what you heard, we would love if you could share this with a friend, leave us a review, or subscribe to anywhere that you listen to your podcasts.
Thanks for being here.
